i only ever knew
that unbearable sadness and
underlying guilt
that wore out the
madness
and i have spent hours with
you in my mind
retracing your face
and hoping to find
the outline of your face, the
warmth in your eyes,
the space in your heart that would always
be mine

so i'll keep driving west, alone,
toward the sun,
racing to the end of all
i've become
and i'll see your face,
see it the entire way,
because i wish it was me,
that had made you
stay.